they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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