I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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