im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I will die if light touches me.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
