woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
