There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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