I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
