But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
