just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
