Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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