Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
