Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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