Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
