We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Success! We fucked roommates!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
