I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
