Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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