My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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