Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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