So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
how does that bad decision feel?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
