Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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