isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
