i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
