help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
