Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she was so not down for the gang bang
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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