yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
