We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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