I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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