That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We left the knife in your bed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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