did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
