1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
