Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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