Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
