im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
