i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My dick has a subreddit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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