This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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