he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
