Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
pop tarts are not kleenex
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
