You can't motorboat a personality
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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