I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
