I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
