me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
