did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
