Sry I called you an 8
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
