i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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