i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
