Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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