Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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