Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is wine microwaveable?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
