My sheets look like a crime scene.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
