I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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