we have pet lesbian snakes
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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