My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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